Something about Guy Kawasaki’s post “How to Suck Up to a Blogger” bothers me. It’s like it’s saying “If you can’t be normal, here’s how to pretend”.
Some of the suggestions, like linking back to bloggers, are good ones. But some of his suggestions left a bad taste in my mouth. No. 5, on Friendship:
5. Make friends before you need them. Mediocre marketers try to befriend bloggers when they need them. Good marketers befriend bloggers before they need them. Great marketers have befriended bloggers while they were working at their previous companies. I learned this lesson well before the advent of blogs: the press connections that I made while employed by Apple have lasted twenty years. Also, make lots of friends. Today’s egocentric, self-indulgent blogger with five page views per day may well be tomorrow’s Technorati 100 stud.
This creeps me out. I don’t want people to be friends with me because they are planning ahead to the day when they need something from me. I want them to be friends with me because they like me. I don’t know Guy, but this strikes me as a very shallow thing to say. Friends should be to make your life richer, not assets to be leveraged.
I agree completely, friend. By the way, I have a favour to ask…
I think different people have different definitions of “friend”. Some people — perhaps including Guy — take a rather inclusive tack. Others, like myself, tend to have a more stringent meaning behind the term. Simply mentally replace “befriend” with “build relationships with” and “friend” with “relationship”, and what Guy says makes sense, yet isn’t as “creepy”.
Cutting Guy a little bit of slack here, I think he’s not the only person to use “friends” when he should say “business contacts.”
Or will Friends 2.0 be the next bubble? Pretending to like people who might do us favors, we all end up partying all night every night and end up with liver damage from too much chipotle?
guys definition of freind is basicly brown nosing (sorry for the term but it was needed) meaning suck up to them now and they will repay you later
[...] Guy Kawasaki as tips on how to suck upto bloggers. I read it, and wondered if he really gets this whole blogging thing. I am with Mike on this one. Why not just stick to the basics and say - I got this story/idea I am pitching. Any interest? Two lines - and absolutely no need to suck-up. Here is one rule you might actually pay attention: if you do any thing Guy suggests, then you be dead to me. [...]
You gotta be kidding me, Mike. Right now, you’re effectively a combination of top flight journalist and industry analyst–Mossberg and Gartner all rolled into one for the Web 2.0 set.
What do you think every technology company in the world worth its salt tries to do? PR departments exist solely to befriend and butter up the journalists and analysts that they may someday need.
Broadening out the analogy a bit, what about the entourages that follow around entertainers and athletes? Fame and fortune become a part of you; there is no way to separate those out so that people befriend “you” and not the power and influence that come with the whole package.
I don’t like it any better than you, but don’t kid yourself that it isn’t already happening every day in your comments section.
Word up.
A cold shudder runs through my body. Kawasaki’s posts are very often disturbing to me … and superficial. Sorry, Guy.
Guy’s brilliant. I have learned a lot from his lessons in business, and life in general. But that doesn’t always make him right. In this case I feel he’s venting, which is often tough to do without being offensive (read: it creeped me out, too).
I would say this: human nature is as human nature does. In the past when someone has befriended me to leverage my contacts, ride the wave I’m on, etc. — I knew it. And it was always different when someone (seemingly randomly) came into my life with no real intention other than to discover why it was that our paths crossed. A friend.
You’re a special person, Mike. In the short time I’ve known you that is what stood out to me most. People *will* use you. And I believe your instinct will tell you who they are. Quickly.
In the meantime, quiet your mind and go enjoy a well-deserved break from all of this. Breathe, and savor every moment. Thanks again for a great party.
I’ve read a bunch of Guy’s books and seen him speak a few times. In the blog post you refer to, substitute “business acquaintance” with “friend” and that’s what he really means I believe. He means get to know people before you need them–networking. I agree if I didn’t know his work and I was a well known blogger, it might seem creepy.
I agree — that one bothered me too, but from the other side. As one who is not new to community but is fairly new to the blogging culture, I don’t want to be viewed as a suckup for commenting or having conversations with prominent bloggers. I also am not a strong believer in friendships being formed online without corresponding in-person contact, and my time is limited enough that I spend it with those I want to be friends with because..well, I genuinely like them and vice versa.
I’ve never been the type to tolerate those who believe in cultivating friendship for what they get from it - if I sense that happening, I will make sure they get less than nothing from me.
Have a wonderful vacation!
I like you just for who you are.
Enjoy the vacation.
Kawasaki touching bloggers
Kawasaki touching bloggers: Guy Kawasaki, ex Apple evangelist and current VC, offers a list of ways to influence weblog discussions. I was vaguely uncomfortable reading it, and saw similar reaction from Michael Arrington and Om Malik. I think the core …
[...] Mike Arrington: “Friends should be to make your life richer, not assets to be leveraged.” [...]
I agree with the idea that friends should be made to make life richer and not assets to be leveraged. But in the original posts he does not say “Make friends before you meet them.”
Instead it says “Make connections before you need them”. I suspect that based on the post its based purely on a business level, in which case preemptive networking is important.
definitely creepy.
between this and dave winer’s essay on friendship, i am very confused. and lonely.
[...] Michael Arrington: Friends should be to make your life richer, not assets to be leveraged. [...]
I don’t know. You have to consider the audience he was targeting his comments to… I interpreted that as advice to selfish PR types who suck up only for favors. Instead, he suggested friendships as a rewarding experience that may also have business benefits. It’s not advice that is particularly new. Standard business school advice. The shame is that not many people follow it. LOL They’d rather hobnob with the elite than the people they think are at their feet.
~Douglas
You know your friends. Someone who you meet and get to know over a span of years — that’s a friend. Someone who contacts you out of the blue with a product pitch? That’s a marketer who may eventually become your friend. But until that friendship gets established? Then it’s just business. And that’s ok, too. But it better be enjoyable. And that person better be passionate about what they do. Life is too short. I’d rather hang out with my friends. :-).
I said this on Guy’s blog as well - Most influential bloggers set their own rules on what they write about. I dont think anything you do is going to make a difference.
Good example: the rollyo guy wrote a comment on techcrunch basically asking Mike how he could write about his firm. i am sure he wanst following any of Guy’s rules (except maybe point 1) in fact he was doing quite the opposite.
Thants true Mike. Friends are there to make our life lot more richer and enjoyable. But lets face it - this isnot the ideal world and everybody doesn’t look at it from that point of view.
But I am glad atleast you are thinking in the right way!
I think you guys need to read Guy’s entry, How to be a mensch. I think Guy is telling people to stop thinking of friends as something to be leveraged and start making friends just because it is good to make friends.
Aloha
I agree that friendship is a value to respect. Maybe he is not meaning real friendship, just ‘contacts’?
I think that Guy is referring to contacts in general and not friends per se, but even that has its limitations. You can always tell when someone is approaching you with a potential interest in the back of their mind.
The other way of looking at it: be nice, helpful, approachable, and work to improve the Karma of the universe. Good things might come your way in return.
I don’t want to be your friend - I just want you to profile our site on your blogs
There’s a really uncomfortable intersection of traditional commerce-driven behaviours and the earned, “every person for themself according to their ability” ethos of web 2.0… this is just another example of those two ways of thinking and doing colliding.
I think many responders have really taken this post outside of the context of the larger theme on his blog. If you have read some other posts of his such as How to Be A Mensch Guy generally seems to be the guy that isn’t the person to creep you out by his slimy-ness or disingenuity when establishing a relationship, whether it is a biz context or social context. It is very easy to take all commments at superficial level but not put them in the context with which he used them. I think weiyen above probably had it mostly on point, make connections before you need them. Finally whether you agree or not with it, you know someone or do business with someone or even are the person whom is not a good networker but a great one and I think those that perform across Guy’s list fall into the Great category by results.
I don’t know Guy personally, but I think most would agree that he is a stand-up guy based on his professional history. I’ll admit that I was worried when I first heard that he was starting a blog (worried that it become an ad for his books), but I’ve actually found it to be full of thoughtful insights and timely information.
With that said, I think it is safe to say that Guy means “allies” when referring to “friends” in business. As the founder of a small start-up, I owe a lot to our blogger “friends” who have been spreading the world about our slightly bizarre line of gifts for new and expecting dads. I don’t know if we go as far as “sucking up” when telling blogs about our products, but I certainly would have given my post the same title if I wanted dozens of blogs (like this one) to take my ideas and continue the conversation.
Keep up the great work Guy!
[...] But, interesting enough is the conversation brought up because of it. Robert Scoble, Mike Arrington, and Om Malick all have slightly different takes on it. Om and Robert both say that a sure fire way for them to write a review is just to ask; why suck up? Om states from his blog; stick to the basics - I got this story/idea I am pitching. Any interest? [...]
I like Guy and consider him a friend though he never emails me back…
I’ve had this kind of advice before, from a A-lister who’s opinion I respect. It may be true and useful info, but I didn’t like it at the time and I don’t like it now. I started my blog to communicate to others as myself. Tailoring my message or anything else to suck up to A-list bloggers is the opposite of that. And having people try this en-masse seems so wrong for the blogosphere. Also, if I was an A-lister I’d probably feel patronized, and rightfully so, and probably develop a healthy contempt for the suck-ups.
Personally, I’d rather keep my puny reader stats, and my integrity.
He’s overloading the word friend.
In this context friend is an “associate” or “colleague” which you can use to forward your career.
This is actually why most males go through a mid-life crisis. They spend their entire life making connections.
You can have either 300 connections or 10 good friends. Not both. It’s just a matter of time and human memory.
If you have 300 connections you reach 40 years old and realize that your life is pointless.
Not me! I’d rather have real friends.
I think you are misinterpreting Guy. If you will read all Guy’s blog entries, you will see that many of them are creepy and shocking on the surface. That’s just his style. He uses creepy expressions.
Granted, in that article he overdid it a bit, but not by much.
I love Guy’s blog because it’s full of interesting and useful information.
[...] CrunchNotes How to Get What you Want from Bloggers You know your friends. Someone who you meet and get to know over a span of years … I don t want to be your friend - I just want you to profile our site on … [...]
[...] CrunchNotes ” How to Get What you Want from Bloggers howtogetwhatyouwant.net “, August 31st, 2006 … Something about Guy Kawasaki’s post “How to Suck Up to a Blogger” bothers me. It’s like it’s saying “If … [...]
[...] CrunchNotes How to Get What you Want from Bloggershowtogetwhatyouwant.net , August 31st, 2006 CrunchNotes How to Get What you Want from Bloggers You know your friends. Someone who you [...]
The Vloggies was the Rite-Spot Saturday…
By Tom Foremski for Silicon Valley Watcher The place to be Saturday evening was the Vloggies Awards in San Francisco- the best of the best video bloggers. Organized by PodTech, co-founded by John Furrier, the event brought together an eclectic, a…