Our conflicts are a result of how we listen more than what is said.

People come here to discuss ideas and it seems to go off the tracks.

Maybe Mike’s training as a lawyer taught him that the person asking the questions is in control and the person answering them is being controlled.

So, invariably when the debate at TechCrunch involves questions… even some relatively fair but tough questions… it gets ugly way too fast.

I’d like to match some questions up with siome potential answers just to prove that we should be able to discuss some basic conflicts:

Q: how many talkcrunch episodes have been recorded with women?
A: Not too many… can someone check and report back.

Q: So why did you invite Mike Arrington? He’s not a developer.
A: True but he has produced/managed projects that have led to the creation of several really hot web properties. He’s got advice that many business types would value at such a conference. Mike might have some opinions about working with developers or deciding how to get a concept up on the web, for example. There is an audience for what Mike has to say. I suspect Jory Des Jardins might be a good counter point to Mike point of view as a driving force behind BlogHer’s web site.

Q: Does asking questions automatically make someone an asshole with an agenda?
A: That depends upon the individual being grilled. Mike tends to see questions as hostile and somethimes he’s right… and sometimes he’s just a bit thin skinned. But that’s just Mike. He’s probably NOT nearly as villanous as he comes across in text.

Q: is Shelley Power’s really an asshole?
A: No. She’s a tenacious advocate for justice. I won’t think of messing with her becuase she’s probably just trying to help me understand my shortcomings when I act like a jerk.

Q: Does Shelley Power’s have an agenda?
A: No. She’s pretty much all over the map… justice wise.

Q: Is there anyway we can have comments and not have so many assholes leaving turds on our blogs?
A: No. But we might… just might… stop and consider where the fault might lie. It might lie… I’m just saying… it might lie in the way we interpret others and not in the words of others. I’m just saying:

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

I asked Ryan what’s the speaker parameters for his conference, because if it’s developers, you’re not a developer. You’ve said this yourself dozens of times in the past. If the speakers are chosen for how well known they are, then this does exclude women, doesn’t it?

Tell me, Mike: what attitude do I need to have to help? Seriously, I’d like to hear.

“Discover how the web’s most successful sites and applications were built, plus get expert practical advice from the best in the business on creating your own web app. Whether you’re a developer, business owner or entrepreneur, join us for this exclusive two-day audience with the biggest names in web development.”

So why did you invite Mike Arrington? He’s not a developer.

One of the biggest differences in tech between men and women is that there are more applications out there developed by men then women. Does this mean women aren’t creating the applications? No, but in most cases, they aren’t getting the acknowledgement or publicity of the men. Yet the men aren’t putting out anything necessarily earth shattering.

Tantek is going to cover microformats. I wrote on RDF. They’re not the same, but they are equivalent. Perhaps what you needed to do was stop focusing on brand name recognition. Tantek works for Technorati, true. But if you only go with the same group of people who are famous, then what makes your conference stand out? Your conference blends in with all the others. You’ve lost an opportunity to create something unique.

(No, I don’t want an invitation to speak–I’m using this as example.)

Ryan, I’m one who ‘accused’ you, and you don’t have any women speakers. Please use names next time–perhaps women aren’t as visible because you refuse to even acknowledge us by name when you do make a statement about us.

Now, who did you invite? I’m not invading their privacy, but there is concern that the same women are invited to most of these events. Did you post a note anywhere asking about women who might be interested? Did you attempt any form of outreach whatsoever?

Did you ask women outside of California? Did you offer to help with expenses?

What was the criteria for selection?

Dan G, women account for approximately 22% of the technology workers. This doesn’t include women officially listed in other professions (such as library science or biochemistry) who spend most of their time working on systems.

However, most of these conferences have a very narrow focus, very selective, that I’m finding that many women aren’t interested in. I’m also finding many men aren’t interested, and most of the world isn’t interested.

Perhaps we should be taking a closer look at the questions, rather than trying to find answers.