A year ago when we had the first TechCrunch party at August capital a blog called Dead 2.0 wrote a post criticizing me for acting aloof at the event. The blog has been taken down now, but the post basically called me a jerk and said that I was holding court, or something similar.
I can get pretty tired at these events, any host of a party will know what I mean. I’m usually exhausted by the time I get there from planning (although this year Heather took care of everything, so I arrived feeling great). And then making sure everything runs smoothly, saying hello to friends, meeting countless new people, etc., takes a toll. One way I’ve dealt with it is by not drinking alcohol at my own events. But even so, its a strain.
I’m not complaining at all about that - I love these events and can handle the stress. But I took the dead 2.0 post to heart and have made a concentrated effort to smile and be friendly with every single person at the event. Sometimes I fail - often because people walk up to me, say something crazy and stick a microphone in my face and I suspect a setup of some kind. But for the most part, I am genuinely very happy to meet everyone and spend a few minutes chatting with them about whatever they are working on.
One problem I have is very bad hearing. When there is background noise/music/conversation I often cannot understand what a person is saying right in front of me. Sometimes I try to follow the conversation from fragments that I pick up. Other times, I ask for them to repeat what they said. It’s frustrating.
After the party last month, an almost identical comment to the dead 2.0 post was left at the Uncov blog (by the way, I love that blog). See the “Mike” comment to this post, where he says:
Was at TC party and saw this guy come up & stand there politely for a few moments, waiting his turn (Arrington was holiding informal court towards end of the evening) and of course Arrington didn’t acknowledge him, so the guy sort of sticks his hand out and says something like “Hey Michael just wanted to say hello and thanks for the party” with an accent and Arrington stops dead cold, sneers at him and says “huh?” and then just sort of keeps talking. — Dude was white too (some euro trash), not indian or asian so maybe the accent shocked him. —- He’s such a fucking asshole. Like Winer, do these guys with their ego power trips have any clue just how unbelievably clueless they are with regards to basic social and business skills? Was that a redudant question? God I hate that guy.
I don’t remember this happening, but I don’t dispute that Jon saw this. And he’s clearly pretty angry about it. Whatever happened, I gave at least one person the impression that I was too good to talk to someone, which I was actively trying not to do.
I’ve emailed Mike and asked him if he knows the email address of the person involved - I’d like to contact him directly and apologize. And please know that if I look annoyed at a party or don’t respond to you, I’m not doing it intentionally.
Maybe I should say this for you since you are very generously holding it back.
I find it appaling that Jon Henshaw criticizes Michael Arrington’s social skills with phrases such as “euro trash”, “dude was white too”, “I hate that guy” and “fucking asshole.”
I think it says a lot more about Jon Henshaw than Michael Arrington.
Paul, maybe, but that isn’t the point. Remember that he wrote the comment on uncov, and this kind of comment is considered normal there. The main thing is that something I did really pissed him off, and I want to avoid that.
Another thing - comments like this with personal attacks are very common for me and come with the job. People feel disempowered and rant. I want them to know that I am listening, read this stuff, and am trying to have what’s inside of my head properly reflected in my demeanor. It’s not normal for me to be at a party where a thousand people want my attention. I’m learning as I go.
Quite right Michael and I am glad to see you are striving for this but at the same time I, and nobody, should expect you to take abuse like that. Public figures have to deal with being a public figure but they are human too and vitriol like that isn’t helping anybody, least of all the supposed person you ignored.
I was not aware of uncov before this but having a brief look at it leaves me cold. Not worth the time.
Well thats nice of you.
I’ve seen you at events and wanted to do the same but you are always surrounded. Life of a rock star I suppose.
Michael,
You should take a Dale Carnegie Course. They have them in your area and would help you tremendously. Scott Adams (Dilbert) testifies it helped him in the same way. http://www.dalecarnegie.com
I think I remember reading about the party-controversy last year already, and I had the same feeling I’m having right now: it’s like kindergarten.
I mean seriously, to everyone who’s hurt because the host of a 400+ people party at some point doesn’t feel obliged to drop to his knees to thank the respective person for their attendance, do grow up.
Reading Mike’s blogs daily may well give you the impression of having a deep and meaningful relationship with the man, but in the end you don’t. If you can’t handle the nature of real-life parties, don’t go there.
I used to work around a lot of politicians, and in private they would talk about how hard it is to “work a room.” It is work.
And it doesn’t really get much easier with practice, which is why in general politicians do less and less of that the longer they’ve been around, or why they have bigger and bigger staffs around them.
It’s almost a Catch-22: If you go out and spend time with people at a party, but don’t spend 15 minutes with every single person, some of them will think you are aloof. If you don’t go to the party at all you become less aloof even though the reality is the opposite.
I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate for a second and I’m sure I’ll get roasted for it, but if you have problems hearing in places that are very loud, perhaps this kind of party is simply not for you? What can you do to reduce the background noise at these events to make it easier for you to have conversations with the people that approach you? If you are hosting a party, it’s your duty to work the crowd. If you cannot work a crowd that large due to the noise and the fact that it makes you tired, perhaps you should try having smaller parties? People shouldn’t realistically all expect a handshake and 10 minutes of face time with you, but if the point of your party is to mingle and meet new people and some of them are coming away with a negative impression of you, change needs to be made. I know plenty of people in business who can work a crowd of 4-5 hundred people at a party without breaking a sweat, but it depends on the kind of party. If someone comes over to you and says something that you can’t hear, you should try harder to hear what their saying even if it means stopping a conversation with the group you were talking to when the new person arrived. The people who you were talking with are more likely to be understanding of your need to talk to other people and will excuse you because you are the host. The person who you didn’t hear will always come away with a negative impression of you if you don’t try harder to understand what they’re saying even if it means leaving a current conversation.
Elise
It’s not that easy, and I write this not as a TechCrunch employee but as someone who has the exact same problem as Michael.
You can work a crowd, and you can meet and greet people, the problem is hearing, or more specifically focus. You’ll often see me stand slightly side on to some one in a conversation, it’s not being rude it’s because it’s difficult to hear the conversation over the background noise.
You say your playing devils advocate and you don’t want to be roasted: I’m sorry but you deserve roasting. Hearing problems affect some 15% of the population in the US, for most this isn’t some sort of serious disability but the issue related to hearing in crowds is more widespread than you’d know. Michael can hear most conversations, it’s just at times it’s more difficult than others, particularly when someone comes out of the blue and you’re not immediately focusing on what they are saying.
Elise, that is the most condescending thing I’ve read all week. Do you really have any idea what Mike is going through at these parties to hand out advice like that? Are you really suggesting that techcrunch stop having parties because some guy called Mike an asshole?
Mike, it’s nice to see you open up like this and offer a flat apology for something that you may not have done and when the person accusing you is so viscious towards you.
I don’t think it’s a hearing problem more than an attention problem - or at least that’s what I tell myself. I often find myself asking “what?” (to the point that I sound like Lil Jon the rapper). It usually happens when someone says something unexpected and I only catch a piece of what they said… or they say something that isn’t a common word combination and I want to see if I heard them correctly before saying something stupid.
I think overall, people need to toughen up. If you don’t get a personal handshake, then remind yourself that there’s always next time. Or… start a company and sell it for 30x on an investment of $10M, and I’m sure you’ll be at the head of the line….
Put an “lol” at the end of my second paragraph… before someone doesn’t take it as a joke
I completely understand what you’re saying about the hearing problems when there’s a lot of background noise…I have the same problem. Mine is from too many years of playing loud music and not wearing ear plugs though. I usually just sit back and do some people watching these days because I hate having to ask people to repeat themselves multiple times. Of course, the problem with that is people think I’m either not interested in being there (a party, a bar or anywhere that has a lot of background noise) or that I’m just anti-social (I can be at times). I just know my wife is always having to explain to people about my hearing problems. It’s not fun.
Do you want to be really successful Mike, then stop acting like a child all the while.. I remember you complaining a little while ago about someone at Microsoft changing TC entry on wiki and your trying to make a issue of it when you got blasted left and right by a lot of people. You have to live with the fact that being a public figure does get you criticism and you don’t really have to make it look like you were innocent and its all the ‘circumstances’. The bottom line is stop being a child when you are not..
I think it’s you who needs to “stop being a child” Saagar.
“Do you want to be really successful Mike”
Huh? You mean he’s not already?
A sign of success can be measured by the number of people that dislike you… or bitch that you’re not actually successful.
Just a though…
Can I point out to you guys that it wasn’t “Jon Henshaw” who posted the comment, but another commenter named “Mike”. On uncov, the commenter’s names appear BELOW the comment.
REWIND and DO_OVER
@Andy Merrett, How can you define success Andy, you tell me, Mike is successful agreed, really successful point of debate indeed.. That Mike is a good writer and took his blog to #4 and has big fan base including me is unarguable, but if he wants to carry it over and become one of the reckoning forces in Tech world, he has to stop being a child in incidents like the ones I mentioned before and that is all I am asking for
Joe - well that’s embarrassing. Fixed.
I have a similar problem with one ear in certain noisy environments, and what you just did seems to be the best solution just tell people you are having trouble hearing.
Quote:
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I don’t remember this happening, but I don’t dispute that [Jon] saw this. And he’s clearly pretty angry about it…
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Oh God… now your eyes are goin?
when you encounter and greet 400 people in one night, no doubt at least some of those encounters will be awkward and embarrassing
I am surprised this doesn’t happen more often considering how socially challenged most people in tech are..
Mike, I completely understand. I have reduced hearing from chemotherapy, also known as CHS (can’t hear shit). On top of that I don’t smile (it’s just how I’m made). Because of this combination EVERYBODY thinks I’m an aloof jerk, until they get to know me and realize I’m an easy going friendly jerk. While it’s annoying, you can do your best, but you cannot control what others think of you.
I have known Mike for couple of years. I have been to every one of his parties. I understand how the European gentleman felt. I think it was 3rd techcrunch party, I was trying to introduce my self to a fellow ethnic Indian CEO who was launching his facial recognition product at this party. This gentleman refused to shake my hand. I stood there in dismay for 15 minutes. I moved on. His loss, he could have learned lot from my background, I was one of product development team member of Kai Power Tools, Adobe Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator. As far Mike, he is at least shook his hand. Mike may be rough on edges but he is the best thing happened to this valley. Remember this guy is busy and he means no disrespect.
I think the solution is to pimp slap anyone who complains. I didn’t get to go to August Capital. Maybe I should complain about the connectivity bias that worked against me from… Whapshhhhhh! Complaining over.
Michael, (a little late to the show here but…)
Whether you like it or not, clearly you’ve become like a top-tier VC.
People shouldn’t even bother trying to randomly introduce themselves to you at a party without some sort of introduction.
It’s like all those thousands of pointless business plans that top-tier VCs receive without solicitation or referral.
People can’t handle other people’s success. I think that’s what’s happening in your case, Michael. You made good impression when we met many months ago, although we only chatted for a few seconds.
Don’t worry too much about what people are saying, it’s a waste of time.